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The carjacking

car-jacking

An elderly woman did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags, drew her handgun, and proceeded to scream at them at the top of her voice, …

The magician & the parrot

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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. He has a different audience each week, so he allowed himself to perform the same act over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week …

Will show him

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A young lady came home from a date, rather said. She told her mother,

– “Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.”
– “ Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.

Like a gentleman?

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Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt’s house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for …

The office rules

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Bill Jenkins worked in a big office in the city, and generally he used to go to the barber’s during working hours to have his hair cut, although this was against the rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time….

A matter of punctuation

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An English professior wrote the words, “Woman withour her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her,man is nothing.”
Sự …

Mistake?

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if she could see her license. She replied in a huff.

“ I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you …

Gifts for mother

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Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first son said: “ I built a big house for our mother”
The second son said: “ I sent Mom …

Most wanted

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Little Johnny’s kindergarden class was on a field trip to their locl police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 Most Wanted men.

One of the kids poined to a picture and asked if it really was …

Begger

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“Why do you beg?”

“The truth is I beg to get money for booze (drink).”
“Why do you drink?”
“To give me the courage to beg”. Kẻ ăn xin “Tại sao anh lại ăn xin?”
“Sự …

He drew it all himself

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Teacher: Who helped you to draw this map, Jack?

Jack: Nobody, sir.
Teacher: Didn’t your brother help you?
Jack: No, sir. He drew it all himseil. Chỉ mình anh ấy vẽ Giáo viên: “Ai đã giúp em vẽ tấm …

God

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Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked:

“Did God made you, Grandpa?”
“Yes, God made me,” the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him,
“Did God make me too?”
“Yes, He did,” the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying …

It’s coconut

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Mike was not well. He was tired all the time, and his head often hurt.

“Go to doctor”, his wife said.
Mike did not like visiting the doctor, but after a week, he went. The doctor asked him a lot of questions and him a …

Too short for me…

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In the Spring fair, a 4 year old child who got lost was crying. A security guard came to console him and said:

“If you don’t want to get lost, you should have gripped your mother’s dress”.
The boy cried sniffingly:
“But my mother’s skirt was too short …

Whisper

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A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said.

“Mommy, I have to pee.”
The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. From now on when you have to ‘pee’ …

Grandma wouldn’t lie

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Little Johnny was at his first day of shool. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him.

He looked around the room as he started the recitation, …

The arm was guilty

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A man was brought before the judge. The witness said that the day before the prisoner had stolen some pears from a basket, outside a grocer’s. The solicitor said to the judge:

“It is true that the prisoner took a few pears with his right arm; his right …

Elevator

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A village boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.

The boy asked his father, “ What is this father?”
The father (having never seen …